Marriage and The Elderly

I found an article titled "Marriage and the Elderly" by Pamela Yarrow, Lotte Marcus, and Michael J. MacLean which gave me information on the disintegration and revitalization of marriage as a couple ages.  

Into the database I searched for "marriage" and "the elderly".  As you can imagine, this article was the first article found by the database.  Other articles the search engine found varied on their stronger link to the topic of marriage or the topic of the elderly.  Several of the other top articles found were focused on the elderly and their family life in general.  Still others were more focused on the aging and changes in an elderly person individually that a family is likely to see.  I chose to read this article because it focused on the development of a loving relationship between two spouses as life after children begins.  

The article focused on three key topics: the effects of retirement, the disintegration of marriage, and the revitalization of marriage.  The authors first begin with a discussion on the repercussions, both good and bad, of retirement on a couple.  They found that retirement is harder for a man, as something that has been so central to their life is no longer there.  For women, the transition tends to be easier as most women's priority job in life is raising her children who still are usually around.  With retirement, the authors found that loneliness, humiliation, and a switching of roles were often side effects, especially for men.  The men no longer are performing their "manly" duties by being the bread-winner but are instead found to take on more of the duties previously belonging to women, forcing their way into the dominion of the woman.  The authors talk about how this can cause strain on a relationship and result in bickering.  Retirement often finds men to become more sensitive and women to become more dominant in their roles.  Relationships where these results were prevented were found to have women and men who kept open-minds about the roles they play and who continue to value the work, of any type, that they each do.  Positive effects of retirement are an increase in time available to spend together.  Yarrow, Marcus, and MacLean continue the article with a discussion on the disintegration and revitalization of marriage.  Many of the previous findings of marriage of elderly couples have been contradictory; some say that marriage gets better with age, others say that marriage does the opposite.  These authors seem to think that one key factor is how the marriage began.  If they started their relationship feeling unsatisfied and bored, there is no coming back from that, and vice versa.  The authors also make note that child rearing puts the most strain on a relationship, however, just because there are no longer children in the picture, does not mean the relationship will automatically bounce back to being wonderful.  The authors mention a U-shaped graph when comparing satisfaction in marriage with time.  The start of the marriage and when the couple is elderly often find the most satisfaction in couples, while, in the middle, when children are often being raised, the satisfaction is at its lowest point.  The key to a healthy relationship according to these authors is communication and the ability/willingness to change and alter what you do for the needs of your spouse.  

I really liked this article and found that it gave me some great insight to how relationships age.  As people grow older, the passion is often lost and what you hope you are left with is commitment and companionship.  If you and your spouse both put in the effort to make your relationship work and find ways to communicate, help each other, and compromise, there is a very good possibility that you will have a friend for life.  I think that this article also proves that having someone to live for, that you care about, and that cares about you is one of the best ingredients for a long life.  This article has helped me to think of the types of questions I would like to ask older couples that I interview.  For example, is there a point when you felt your relationship was at its strongest?  What things in life challenged your relationship?

Citation:

Yarrow, Pamela, Lotte Marcus and Michael J. MacLean. "Marriage and the Elderly: A Literature Review." Canadian Journal of Social Work Education 7.2 (1981): 65-79. Web. 11 Mar. 2015.